Chapter Sixteen
Colossians 3:18-21 Submitting
For many people the word ‘submit’ almost immediately invokes an emotional response, especially if it means or insinuates that someone is to submit to another. However, the concept of submission is how reality works. We regularly submit to rules, laws and authorities when we drive, conduct business or even cross the street. The negative element comes into play only when one believes they are losing control, often resulting in the lack of recognizing authority.
Okay, what about Christians? We definitely should think differently, as we certainly should not view Jesus submitting to His Father as being a “bad thing” (see 1 John 4:9). So, who has ultimate authority over us? Jesus does, He was given, “all authority,” over everything (see Matthew 28:18).
In his letter to church at Ephesus, Paul wrote that we need to first understand the will of God and be filled with the Holy Spirit (see Ephesians 5:15-20). This means as Christians, we are to know the Word of God and be guided by the Holy Spirit at all times. Then Paul says something that was certainly tradition-shattering, namely that we are to submit to each other, that’s right, we are to respond by, “giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:20-21, ESV). He continues to discuss the topic of relationship in verses 22-33, but before that can happen, he points out the need for mutual submission. Paul amplifies this concept in his epistle to the church in Philippi, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:3-4, ESV) Mutual submission requires one to listen, watch and, yes, that means to pay attention to the others person! In Ephesians 5:21 we also read that Paul says our motivation to submit to one another is out of reverence to Jesus. As Christians, we should never be selfish or demand to be the center of attention. By keeping our minds on Jesus we are able to lovingly submit to others, demonstrate compassion and genuinely offer concern for others.
3:18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
The Greek word that is translated here as ‘submit’ is the word ‘hypotassō’, it can be found 38 times in the New Testament. It is derived from two Greek words, ‘hypo’, meaning ‘under’ (just like a hypodermic needle goes under the skin), and ‘tassō’, meaning “to set in order,” a rough literal translation might be, “to place under in order.”
Paul continues the instruction of how to live as a Christian by focusing on interpersonal relations beginning with married couples, he encourages wives to submit to their husbands. Paul is not making an absolute demand or command, he clarifies his point by adding, “as fitting to the Lord.” The Greek word for ‘fitting’ is often translated as ‘appropriate’, so what constitutes as being appropriate to Jesus? Perhaps this would be a good place to review some of basic concepts of the Bible, items I often call “ground rules” for Christian behavior. The first thing to remember is that there are no excuses for violating God’s Word and secondly God’s Word was never intended to “hold someone else in submission” for the sake of lording over another. When the Bible speaks about submitting to governing authorities and other human institutions (see Romans 13:1; Titus 3:1; 1 Peter 2:13-17), we are to indeed obey, but only if those actions are not contrary to the Word of God. Paul reminded the church in Corinth that light has no fellowship with darkness (see 2 Corinthians 6:14-18) and as a result Christians should never seek to be unequally yoked.
We come back to the question of what is fitting or appropriate for Jesus? To answer this, let’s take another look at the section about relationship in Ephesians. In Ephesians 5:22, Paul wrote “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (ESV), wives are to submit to their husbands just as they would submit to Jesus (this would be a huge problem if the husband was not a believer).
3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
Next, Paul writes, “Husbands, love your wives,” the word for love is the verb form of ‘agapē’, which is most often described as unconditional love. What does that mean? Can human beings truly love unconditionally, with no strings attached? The closest example to having unconditional love may be a parent’s love for a child. Without God, the author and creator of love, we cannot love unconditionally, so the first element of a husband’s love for his wife is to have God in their heart. Agapē also means that the husband is to place the interests of their wife first, well ahead of their own interests. This also means that the wife is to be protected at all costs. While this list sounds complete, there is a significant component missing, the husband is to assure Spiritual growth in every family member, the role is to model and encourage growth in Jesus, to grow together in Him. Paul next writes that the husband should not be harsh with their wives. The Greek implies that the husband avoids making their wife bitter or to exasperate them, of course that would be unlikely if the husband truly loved their wife.
To help us understand these two verses better we should carefully examine Ephesians 5:21-33 as there is a very important concept about marriage that is often lost. In verse 31, Paul quotes Genesis 2:24, pointing out that in a marriage the husband and wife are truly one person. Paul continues in verse 32 by calling this a mystery that is profound (Greek ‘megas’, meaning ‘great’). You may recall that he Greek word ‘mystērion’, refers to something that was not previously unveiled or released, not some mystery to solve. Paul is revealing something that could never be understood prior to the revealing of Jesus as our Savior and the church (all believers) and that is the bond of love between a man and a woman in marriage was to be the model of the bond of love between Jesus and the church. The two becoming one, Jesus’ love for the church is beyond measure and so should the love between a husband and a wife be beyond measure.
3:20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Beginning with verse 20, Paul turns to the children with a very clear statement, “children, obey your parents in everything.” Please don’t call your children over to show them something in the Bible! In Ephesians 6:1, Paul wrote similar words, however some manuscripts read slightly different as captured in the New Living Translation rendering of this verse, “Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do.” (Ephesians 6:1, NLT). In this version, we can see that Paul is making a direct connection between obedience and the fact that we belong to Jesus (also good advice for adults too!)
21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
In verse 21, Paul returns to talk to the parents, or more specifically, the fathers, and tells them that they should never provoke their children. The Bible teaches that children should be taught the Word of God (see Genesis 18:19; Deuteronomy 4:9; 6-5-7; 11:18-19; 32:46; Psalm 78:4-6; Proverbs 19:18; 22:6; 29:17; 2 Timothy 3:15-17). The discipline children learn from simply taking time out of all of the other things in life to spend in reading and studying the Word of God will be invaluable their entire life.
Perhaps another way of saying this would be, “Parents don’t treat your children as idiots.” Children will see right through their parents, hopefully you have not embraced a, “do as a say, not as I do” attitude in teaching your children. They will quickly pick up your behavior and recognize what is truly important to you. If something is important to you, they will follow. Here are some practical tips on how to incorporate God’s Word in your household:
The discipline they will learn from you will last them a lifetime. “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6, ESV)