Ephesians 5:21-33 Submit to One Another
For many people the word ‘submit’ almost immediately invokes an emotional response, especially if it means for someone to submit to another. However, submission is how reality works. We regularly submit to rules, laws and authorities when we drive, conduct business or even cross the street. The negative aspects of submit primarily comes from the notion that a person looses the “right” to control their own life or direction. The thought of submitting means they are no longer in charge and strict obedience is required. More often the root of the problem of submission is the lack of recognition of authority. An excellent example of this can be seen in marriages, as emotions often fly (and sometimes objects) when it comes to one person demanding to get their way.
However, Christians should think about submission differently as we certainly don’t view Jesus submitting to His Father as being something bad as John wrote, “In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him.” (1 John 4:9, ESV) We are also reminded when Jesus told us about the Great Commission when He pointed out that all authority had been given to Him. He then set up a hierarchical system that begins with Him as the Head of the church (see Matthew 28:18-20).
Paul addressing the need for us to understand the will of God and be filled with the Holy Spirit also pointed out the need for us to have joy in our hearts, especially as we interact with others. Paul now points out that we need to submit to one another. This is the essential foundation (the starting point) for all Christian relationships. Out of reverence to Jesus we are to submit to each other.
The idea of submitting to each other means we start with the understanding that the needs of the other person come first. If we go out in the world thinking only about ourselves we are not demonstrating God’s love through us to others (see also Chapter 14 regarding Ephesians 4:2).
21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Paul begins the topic of relationships between people with the need to submit to one another, (see also Philippians 2:3) a concept that is largely lost in today’s society. We are all born with an innate love of self and we all like the idea of being the center of attention (well most people, that is). Mutual submission requires everyone to be listening and watching everyone else, in other words we are to be paying attention to others. Christians should never to be selfish as they should always be thinking and caring about other people. A relationship that is not based on mutual trust and love is not going to produce any fruit. We need to submit to each other to demonstrate our compassion and love for others. Not being the center of attention can be an important element of our witness to non-believers. Out of reverence for Christ means that we are motivated out of respect of Jesus to treat others as He taught us to do. We are to go above and beyond the efforts of those influenced by the ways of the world.
The word translated as ‘reverence’ is the Greek word phobos usually translated as ‘fear’. The concept of fearing God has stirred the imaginations of believers and non-believers alike from the beginning of time. People often debate what it means to fear God. For many the fear of God can mean experiencing fear of punishment, but the Bible explains that it is so much more (read Acts 9:31; Romans 3:18; 2 Corinthians 5:11; 7:15 and 1 John 4:18). As Christians we know that we are loved by God and we love Him, our fear is not a fear of pain or thought of judgment, our fear is that of respect, trust, honor and love. If someone doesn’t know about Jesus, then fear takes on a different meaning!
The Greek word that is translated here as ‘submitting’ is hypotassō (found 38 times in New Testament), which can also be translated as ‘subject’, ‘subjection’, ‘submissive’, ‘subjected’ and ‘put’. Other than submitting to God and to other people, what are Christians to submit to? We are to submit to God’s Word and law, governing authorities, and human institutions (read Romans 8:7-8; 13:1 and 1 Peter 2:13), as long as they are not in any way contrary to the Word of God!
Paul shifts gears, so to speak, and begins a discourse on relationships resulting in marriage. All relationships should begin with mutual respect, but it is vital for a marriage to start here as God established marriage as a model of unconditional love (agape or godly love) from the beginning (see Genesis 2:23-25). Paul will soon follow and address the relationships between parents and children followed by the relationship between a master and a slave, which can be applied to being an employer and an employee. But before continuing, remember, remember and remember (is that enough hints?), that we are to submit to each other out of reverence for Christ!
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Some ground rules to consider before digesting these verses. Husbands are to be “Christ fearing” men (verse 21), namely Christians. If a Christian is in a marriage that is not “equally yoked” (one is not a Christian) there are other issues to consider (read 2 Corinthians 6:14-18). Also these verses are not in any way written to hold someone in submission for the purpose of holding someone in submission. If at any time the husband finds it necessary to point out these verses in order to gain control of a relationship, they need to read the verses that follow and understand what love is about. Yes, the husband is to be the Spiritual leader of the family, not a power-hungry dictator!
Paul uses the phrase, “as to the Lord,” to mean as believer would respond and do for Jesus (see also Ephesians 6:5). Wives are to submit to their husbands as they would submit to Jesus. Paul reminds us that Jesus is the Head of the church, He is not only the highest authority it is also what He did that made the church possible. Jesus died so that we might live, husbands are to use Jesus as their role model regarding how they to treat their wives and demonstrate His love.
Jesus said all authority was given to Him (see Matthew 28:18-20) and we obey Jesus. Some might ask if that level of obedience is to extend into their marriage relationship? The answer would be a loud and absolute, yes! Our obedience to Jesus definitely includes obeying Him in our marriages. Husbands are to love their wives as Jesus loves the church and wives are to honor their husbands in the same way.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Paul lists what Jesus did for the church including the process of sanctification, cleansing by the Word of God and presenting us as spotless without sin. Christ not only died on our behalf, He established a process of sanctification and atonement so that we can be presented as righteous (see Chapter 19), which allows us to can spend eternity with Him. Husbands are to be the Spiritual leaders and see to it that their families are properly guided in the ways of God. The husband is to be mindful and listen to God at all times.
Paul refers to Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (ESV) when he says, “He who loves his wife loves himself,” pointing out that in a marriage the husband and wife are truly one person and therefore would take care of the body (nourish and cherish) as one. Paul then says that this mystery is profound, the term ‘profound’ is the Greek word megas meaning ‘great’ in size or by some other measurement. The mystery is none other than the miracle of two people become one flesh, which in turn, also pertains to Jesus and the church. This is a great mystery that could not have been fully understood before the church. The bond between a husband and a wife was to be a model of the bond between Christ and His church. The two becoming one, Jesus’ love for the church is beyond measure, the love between a husband and wife should also be beyond measure.
Paul summarizes this idea in verse 33 by saying that husbands are to love their wives and the wife is to respect her husband. Even though the Greek term here implies fear (phobiō), a wife is to respect or possess an admiration for their husband much like Christians are to have a deep admiration for Jesus and not live in fear of Him.
The purpose and concept of marriage from the beginning has been to model ultimate love. If it weren’t for sin, marriage would have been a great example of God’s love. The love Paul is speaking of is an unconditional love (Greek verb agapaō) a love that does not waiver due to circumstances. Christians should be able to demonstrate to the world that marriage can work even during difficult times. Unfortunately marriage between Christians, the Biblical model of ultimate love, appears to have failed just as often as secular marriage. Love as Paul described can only be obtained through God.
In his first letter to the Church at Corinth, Paul reminds them the importance of love. Right in the middle of Paul’s discourse on Spiritual gifts he stops to remind his readers that without God’s love in us we are essentially wasting our time. He proceeds to explain the differences between human only love and the love that can only be obtained through God. The text is provided below, take the time to read this incredible definition of love, understanding that we can only love as Paul describes when we are “plugged into” God.
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 reads:
1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
In submitting to one another and between husband and wife, we need to remember the words Jesus spoke, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34-35, ESV) John in his first epistle amplified this by pointing out that, “Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” (1 John 4:8, ESV) Love is not an option for a Christian!